“The future of work is managing a portfolio of limited assets – like time and attention – far more wisely than most of us do today.” – The Simplicity Survival Handbook, p. 59
In today’s multitasking-ridden, busy, scheduled lifestyle of the typical professional, this statement extends way beyond career. In fact, it’s the basic issue of work meets life that so many of us struggle with on a day to day basis.
It’s a constant, present reality in our lives. But it hits home sometimes more than others. For me, right now is one of those times. I’m getting married in a month, and the list of wedding to dos, along with life to dos, is impossibly long.
So, it’s appropriate that a friend challenged a group of us to fast something for 40 days – we started a little late for Lent, but the fast will end just days before my wedding, so it’s a nice way to have a purposeful last month as a single gal. I wracked my brain to think of something worth fasting, decided that fasting caffeine would be a disaster and help no one, and got stuck. Then one overwhelming day of wedding planning, it hit me clearly: I needed to fast stress.
That’s right. I’m fasting stress. I know that’s not the most conventional of fasts, and I don’t have a clear answer for people when they asked exactly what that means, but let me just say, it’s working so far. When my mom calls to freak out about chair covers, I just say, “you know what, mom, I’m fasting stress, so I’ll go ahead and let you worry about that, because at this point, the wedding’s happening whether or not we have anything to cover the chairs with, and I’m abundantly happy about that.” And then I laugh about it, refuse to internalize the issue, and move on, stress-free.
Know what? It works. Attitude really is an amazingly strong force.
The stress-fast has also helped me clearly focus on my priorities in a way I haven’t experienced in a long time.
One thing that’s meant is spending more time with my fiancé talking and planning and just enjoying each other’s time. And spending less time reading and researching and blogging and creating killer content. For a while, that’s had a surprising amount of guilt and remorse attached to it. I have such grand plans for this place, so many content ideas, so much to say. I can’t believe that since I launched this blog, I’ve only averaged a post a week. That puts my former norm of 3-5 posts a week utterly to shame.
But guess what? That hasn’t really hurt me. In fact, in the short time I’ve been blogging here – once a week, no less – I’ve grown to a healthy readership of over 300 subscribers, developed some valuable and engaging conversations, and started to establish a very insightful, supportive community. From where I stand, that’s about the best a non- problogger can ask for. Like a rising number of young professional-topic bloggers who work full time in other jobs, I’m not doing this for money, in case you haven’t noticed the obvious lack of ads or “hire me” buttons here.
So why am I telling you this, offering an uncharacteristically tip-less post about my personal life, priorities, and blogging habits of late?
What I’ve learned in the past few months, and especially in the past few days since my stress-fast began, is that it’s critical for your personal and career health to prioritize for your relationships from the top-down. That means first prioritizing for relationships above all other aspects of your personal and professional life. Then it means prioritizing within your relationships to invest your time and attention – those truly limited resources that only you can provide – starting with the most important ones first.
The reason this is important is because when you have a healthy relationship-life, the rest of your life improves too. You are happier. Easier to work with. More satisfied with life. More stable in your sense of self. Able to find balance. People start to notice the difference. Opportunities arise.
So, look at where you invest your time. It will paint a clear picture for you of your priorities. Then be real with yourself: Do you have the strength of character it takes to invest your time into your relationships – instead of somewhere else? To build real connections with real people. To stop doing whatever it is that distracts you so you can instead pour yourself into the real time world that surrounds you?
Because the future of you depends on where you invest your time now.
Be daring. Be bold. Put relationships first. There’s time for the rest. Just make it second.
Nice writing. You are on my RSS reader now so I can read more from you down the road.
Allen Taylor
Nice Blog. I like the layout you used. Did you make that yourself?
– Randy Nichols.
So true. I often wonder what’s better, to write a blog post or go out and hang out with my friends and colleagues. I always choose the latter, and always feel good about it. Thanks for sharing
Thanks, Rebecca. You know I’m very passionate about how valuable blogging is, especially as a career woman, so these ideas are really a challenge for me.
But I think it’s really important to first – like you put it – feel good about how we choose to spend our time and who we spend it with.
Good things flow from having a good life, and great posts are just one of those things!
@Rebecca – I think blogs offer a happy medium, where you can push out thoughts and information to many people all at once, in a 1-many framework and communication system.
@ Dan – Blogs can offer a happy medium, but the truth of it is, blogging is just like anything else. It can consume you if you let it. And from the personal perepective, it’s about self-discipline and control. Moderation. Of course, you know I strongly support the communication, relationship- and community-building elements of blogging, particularly for the professional.
But it’s so easy for blogging to become the top priority. To feel guilty for putting other things above it, especially when you’re that passionate about it. Which is just plain silly. Unless you’re one of the few people out there for whom it’s a fulltime income, I think it’s ok for great bloggers to relax about blogging in every spare moment.
I actually think it helps you be better blogger!
Maki at DoshDosh is a great example of growing a successful blog but not obsessing too much over posting constantly.
He’s grown to be one of the most popular blogging bloggers out there, but only posts about 1-2, sometimes 3 times a week. I think he resonates with people because he is able to make connections in the world around him, (he’s a philosophy student), has varied interests, learns from life experience, and creates highly highly relevant content in big bursts, and doesn’t inundate readers with too many little spurts of just ok content.
With so much content being created all the time, no longer is the “more is more” mentality the only model for success. The rule now also favors highly relevant stuff whenever it comes.
Tiffany, I strongly second your argument. You’ve made quite the case against Twitter 😉
@ Mark,
Thanks! It’s interesting that you bring up Twitter. I can’t judge it from experience, because I have invested zero time in the practice – I have read up on it a lot, and it seems to be one of those things that falls into the category of being highly useful to the mega bloggers, the people who can get thousands of followers, help direct traffic, etc. It’s a very usedul change-making tool the the blogebrities.
I’m not sure what it’s like for the “everyone else” crowd. I could see it helping you build a relationship with a big name blogger, but if you’re just one of thousands of friends or followers or whatever, I don’t see that being a highly effective “networking up” tool.
But I will admit, I was hesitant about investing a lot of time with StumbleUpon until I got to using it, and it’s been really good in terms of time ROI.
That is perhaps what it boils down to – return on the investment of your time.
Curious your thougts, especially regarding the Twitter issue. Do you have experience there you’d share with us?
Naw, Tiffany, I was arguing from extensive inexperience (never a wise thing!).
I sincerely fail to understand how one can use Twitter and treat family, partner, friends with respectful attention. My fiancee’d dump me in a sec (and I wouldn’t blame her) if my work/networking intruded as voraciously into our life together as it seems to for many active Tweeple.
Way to go Tiffany! This is an awesome post. Prioritizing relationships is definitely important, thank goodness my parents did when I was young. It did a lot for me.
Your stress fast is an innovative idea. Makes a lot of sense though, because stress is just waiting to be avoided. I’m not sure if I’d have the willpower to just tell it goodbye though. Sometimes it seems irresistible.
@Mark
Anything can be abused, food, drink, cell phones, Twitter. That doesn’t automatically make them bad though.
Twitter is an incredible networking tool when used properly. You could just use it to have an endless social chat with friends (which is abuse), but it can do much more than that. I’ve made several connections with fellow bloggers in the weeks I’ve been using it and it can be quite informative and helpful.
@ Mark – I tend to agree with you probably because I know how difficult it can be just with a traditional blog not to obsess – I don’t know what I would be like if I had constant access to it in short spurts of blogging, especially from my phone like so many people I know!
But Michael brings up a great point – Twitter can also be a highly useful tool – if you know how to do it effectively – and use that knowledge properly. I still think it probably throws most of its value to pro blogger and web-based consultant types, agency owners, etc. But it’s also evolving a lot, so it’s still a valuable thing to keep a pulse on. Time and context play an important role in its value too. Just look at how invaluable it is for events like SXSW.
@ Michael – Thanks! I also had parents who prioritized for family, and I credit so much of who I am today with that.
Fasting stress is a challenge. Because our world is so full of stressors today, it demands a constant, moment-by-moment self-control and self-awareness. But it’s actually becoming easier the more I do it. When faced with a moment I’d usually delve into stress, I make myself evaluate the situation, talk to someone about it, and then just let it go or laugh it off. . . and somehow, it’s gone. It really is amazing. Also, I try to go out of my way smile more than usual and say positive things when I could be neutral or negative.
This is a great post Tiffany. This is either the first or second time I have read your blog so congrats on your upcoming wedding. I really enjoyed the chair cover story with your Mom – real good delegation there!
As you know and clearly stated – “is that it’s critical for your personal and career health to prioritize for your relationships from the top-down. That means first prioritizing for relationships above all other aspects of your personal and professional life. Then it means prioritizing within your relationships to invest your time and attention – those truly limited resources that only you can provide – starting with the most important ones first.” – makes you wise beyond your age. We only have so much time on this earth and the wise use of that time in our relationships is what makes us rich.
Hi Tiffany, great post!
It touches on some of the issues I mention my latest post and I’d love to hear your thoughts. Basically your career is the “new ideal,” so I am wondering if you think that the problems I describe are on target.
Thanks for your confessions!